I, Consciousness and its variants...

There are some of those questions that get revisited within me again and again and get their definitions redefined as per on what i have turned out to be this moment -

What is I? What is consciousness?

All the while i thought I was hullucination (and definitely not delusion), where, what you see is never what you get... And then i thought may be I is just a feeling of being alive, feeling of existence. i had my troubles of describing this feeling, but for its perception in the form of chemical reactions and chemical compositions. Sometimes i think I may be a combination of both or it is neither of them... Somehow there seems to be some fun in keeping this uncertain...!
So be it...

With definition of I being clear...! , i will try defining consciousness... about which i seem to be more certain than the prior...

Consciousness looks like the feeling of I... It is more of a feeling of being there than the feeling of existing there... i feel the pressure of every ray of light on my eyes... i am completely aware of the itch on my nose behind those specks... i am blatantly aware of the breath i seem to be taking without any feeling of air particles gushing through my nose... and ... and ... and...

my uncertainity doesn't let me use I for i... still lot of thoughts pending...

As a prologue to why people feel sad...
As an epilogue to why people feel sad...

my consciously...
Darshan.

Would I be rude...

....
....
Would I be rude to get attention from somebody?
.
Would I be rude to get away from somebody?
.
Would I be rude to get what I want?
.
Would I be rude to give what I want?
.
Would I be rude to hurt somebody?
.
Would I be rude to hurt myself?
.
Would I be rude to prove my point?
.
Would I be rude to ... hide my wound?
.
Would I be rude to ... ?
....
....
....
....

I'm missing something...

Started off with a forward received 2 days ago... which had a question as to 'what do you want'. All I knew was this..., that I dont know.... A Friend gave me a way asking if I knew 'what I want' and 'what I need'.

And ..., now I know...

'I have all I need..., now..., what do I want'...!
I am still searching, within and around....
....


Recently been reading Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged... feeling every word of it, every ounce of Objectivism scattered around in the Novel. I see myself among those fighting for a purpose against those who think are aware of the purpose. But neither of them know what the purpose is or what they think they are aware of that purpose.

Many years of married life and a question like 'why did he/she agree to marry me' is devastating. More interestingly, would the answer now be the same as the answer then or the answer later?

Is that person that ONE thing I WANT the most in my life or a MEANS to that ONE thing I WANT the most in my life...

BTW, I dont think I NEED either of them, either...

Objectivating...
If thats what I could call it...
Darshan.