Irony...

---

Its a difficult combination...

You ask for something and when you get it... you realize that its not exactly what you asked for...
You ask for good marks while studying and when you get it... you realize that once you have got it... you have to get them again and again...
You ask for a decent job... and when you get it... you realize that you are just eating yourself out and turned out a parasite...
You ask for more money and when you get it... you realize that you dont know what to do with all the extra money...
You ask for being in solitude... and when you are... you realize that you are all alone...

Blatantly, all these 'asks' have in them an 'ending'... but everytime you ask... the irony of its purpose begins...

Weird...
Darshan.

----

Dimension...

. . . . .

him/he/his - her/she/her ()

I did it all because of ()... after all... what had I to get from () ... and ... () only approached me in the first place... and I was shocked... I had no clue () had such thoughts in () mind... and yet after all the trouble () caused me... with all the pestering () did... I took it all... only because... I dint want () to feel bad... I dint want () to get hurt... and with all this... () takes me for granted and tells all those things () has no right to... what does () think of ()self... how am I responsible for this state... what can I do... I have my reasons... I cannot accept it... and yet with all that... I did it for () ... ... ... () will never understand... I just endured it for () sake...


her/she/her - him/he/his ()

IF... if... () could do it for () own sake...

. . . . .

it happened.

... destroyed his ego... made him realize his existence...
... killed his stubbornness... made him intractable...
... removed his self selfishness... and made it panoptic...
... made him strong... letting him fight himself...
... taught him to listen... to the emptiness within...
... made him focus... on a blank white wall...
... made him ...
... to enlighten him ...
... to nothing

it happened.

And... He gave up...

And,

He gave up...
as He couldnt do what he could do...
as He wouldnt do what He could do...
as He couldnt say out whatever He thinks He knows...
as He cant put down because that is what it would be...
as He thinks thats not the point to ponder over ...
even as He knows He will be hunted down... because He agreed to...
even as He knows He will be nowhere and just be around...
even as He knows that He cant speak the truth and cant lie either...
and He just stays mum because He knows it is good for ... ... ...
as He cant be what he could be ... to ... ... ...
as He cant be when he could be ... to ... ... ...
as He knows he can never fill that space ... for ... ... ...
as He knows... whatever... whatever... whatever...


He gave up...
He stayed mum...
Because He knew what he could do... He would not ...
Because He knew... it was for good...

He.
Darshan.

Sorrow or Trouble...

Was confabulating with mum recently, about life and things in general... and she mentioned as to how life gives us so much trouble, how we face them and look forward for the next set of items awaiting us... lovely talk it was... and during this, I realized something I had not come across...


I realized many of us mix up troubles with sorrows. When we are speaking about troubles, we may actually be speaking about sorrow ... and vice versa. And to relate, somebody else's trouble could make me sad... it just need not be my trouble at all ...!!!

Troubles are those that are outside. Sorrows are those that are within... If we introspect, we realize that we may have troubles... but not sorrows... and we may have sorrows and no trouble at all... Trouble may not be our choice... but sorrow... YES... Its upto me to feel sad or not...

So,... Hence.... and therefore.... we have troubles ... and we have sorrows ... they are different...

:D

Yuppieeeee...!
Darshan.

Sowing... for a rich harvest...

Just completed reading a story - Fiesta by Devu HanehaLLi... in UdayavaaNi... and was some sort of a wakeup smack on the head... The title used... is a phrase in this story...

Its all about how an individual with all bigger purpose in mind misses to see the primary purpose of situations... He initially believes in "Sowing... for a rich harvest..." ... and finally realizes... Sowing is different from harvesting... though they seem linked... they are not... they are independent... they are beyond that bigger purpose... they are around that primary ones...

Offlate its been too confusing... if all this is about happiness... or just about that... whatever that is... I've realized all of us ... somehow or the other... keep doing those same tasks... that had caused us pain, misery at some point of time, for us or for somebody else... because we did them. And I am unable to figure out why...
Similar pattern of behaviors are repeated again and again... consciously or unconsciously... that lead to similar set of pains... Is it because we actually inherently like them?... I don't know... Or may be its all about masking the primary purposes with a bigger one...

Its a weird feeling to carry weight... At times... u feel proud because u have been able to carry them... and many times... u feel weak because u can't carry them anymore... You just would want to shed them away, feel light and run around like mad ... and ... and... you don't even know if you should carry them... or weirder... why did u start off carrying in first place... but you do... because you feel its right... because you feel you have been entrusted with this weight... because you are working for that bigger purpose... but really... you have no idea why are you actually doing this... practically loosing out on the primary ...

I wish I could shed weight...
I know I can... I know I want to...
I know I can't... I also know I don't want to...

Essentially Dubious,
Darshan.

Pain...

I had written this long time ago... I don't know when... I don't know why... I've added some stuff here & there to make some sense...

;-)

---------------------------

With what I have seen and empathized... this feeling of pain is immensely influential. I've realized that I could do anything to get away from it. When it is physical... then I have everything under my control to get away from it... be it anything that hurts...

What makes it difficult is when this pain is from within... by thoughts... How will I get away from them… How will I convince myself that those thoughts are not necessary? Just like breathing… they come and go like air ... in and out of my consciousness... hogging away not only my ability to think... but also ...

I had heard or read somewhere... It is impossible to feel pain without my senses... and BTW, memory gives us senses... just like songs from a CD... they are there... to be played whenever I want...

---------------------------

Attempting to take away senses from consciousness...
Darshan.

Dreams...

It’s a 2-way road… divider in the middle…
probably made in a new locality… there are no buildings on either side… just plain land…
I am walking on the footpath… beside the road … but I don’t think I know where…
I hear some sound … I turn back… and far … far away I see a bus coming towards me…
I hope for this vehicle to come by… so that I could get a ride in the direction I am walking…
My eyes sparkle…
After a second I see a friend walking in the opposite direction on the other side of the road…
I walk towards him to the other side… I greet him and speak to him with earnest regard… I get some casual response…
I bid adios and
I come back to the other side of the road to continue my walk…
I lift my head up… and I see that bus far… far away… having already passed by…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s a dull dark room… and I am removing my vest…
Unbelievably… my vest shrinks…
and I am unable to remove it completely…
or I am unable to wear it back…
I’m stuck…
I struggle… and struggle… to get away… and suffocate for breath…
I realize… I cant take it anymore… it’s the end……

And suddenly… I open my eyes… its 3 AM in the clock…

... ... ...

May be I know why ... or may be... its just a rationality...
Darshan.

A story from... a story in memory...

I guess this was a story I had read in a Kannada weekly... on some chance written by MogaLLi Ganesh or Shantharama Somayaaji... I dont know... or may be a story I had heard... witnessed or ... enacted...


-------------

( Nowadays I was able to walk around people without them noticing me... and to my surprise I was also listening to their thoughts... Initially, had very tough time listening to all those stuff people think, never had I realized I was not alone in the world of hypocrites... How we would rationalize our thoughts and deeds for a bigger cause, but deep down inside lies that selfish motive of searching, finding and clinging ... for just a reason... for existence. I had had enough of them... and to get away from all these ... took a week off... caught some bus at the KSRTC bus station, with my handbag consisting of basic necessities... Later got to know that I was on my way to Belur along with the bus... I heard some things here and there in the people around me... until I fell asleep, deeply. Suddenly, I got up and looked around. Bus had halted in a haphazard manner. It was 5:15 in the morning... weather was chill. Few seats were empty and I got down to see a flat tyre and to realize the reason for the bus to stop... I got back in, picked my hand bag, got down and informed the conductor and driver that I am on my own... I wanted some fresh air, fresh water and a lot of silence... I asked the conductor and he informed that I was about a couple of miles away from Yagachi river... Thanked him and treaded my way in the direction he pointed... )


( 30 mins walk and I heard the serene flow of water in a near distant place. Followed the sound and 5 mins... I saw the river... flowing peacefully amidst the silence and fields... I walked some more to reach the side of river deep enough for clear water and comfortable enough to pull out water from my hand.. Water was crystal and chill and ... pretty deep to keep me cautious. About a 100 feet away from me... I saw an old man... may be around 65, but seemed older than that... He was sobbing ... and contemplating, not about what to do... but seemed like ...as to why it happened... as if consolidating his burden... As usual, he dint notice me... and I started hearing his thoughts... him... )


...collected that remaining money from seena ... 705 rupees... kept it in the trunk and informed rathna to be careful about it... that’s the last piece I will ever give her... she will see my chain and ring also whenever she looks for the money... paid shetty 12rupees 75 paise, for previous months stuff for the house... Will is safe in the trunk for the 2 acre land and the house... money order done for daughter for this year’s Gauri pooja... Informed manju to take care of the fields and rathna... he was surprised as to what was wrong with me... she was his wife and he always took care of me... the fields and rathna as a routine... and there was no need for me to say that today... He was confused and gave a child like smile... this old man is going nuts... hmmm... that is all I think.... hmmm... may be 5 more minutes...


( He removed his glasses, removed his Kurta... folded it neatly and kept it beside on a stone... got up and removed his 'punche'... again folded it neatly and kept it on the folded kurta... wore his glasses again... He was in his knee length striped shorts ... he continued with his thoughts... )



What really went wrong with the way I had done things... not 1, not 2, 4 kids... 3 boys... 1 girl... I gave them all I could give them within my limits and abilities... Gave them the education and courage to make them independent and self-reliable... I think I had done my duty as a father and as a husband... Lakshmi never had any complains... she was always with me... for good... for bad... until 6 months ago... until this Sankranti... sob.. sob... ( and wipes his tears )... Many of my friends have either gone to stay with their kids... or gone for good.. he.. he... ( smiles hysterically ) ...sob .. sob... ( wipes his tears )... all I am looking for is... I cant ask my kids that ... they are well settled... but... this is not about money... not about supporting me financially... sob.. sob... but what shall I do... and ... and... I just don’t fit among them... All my daughters in law are fine... they will let me be among them... and my sons wont mind.. as long their wives don’t mind... he he ( again smiles hysterically )... but I know... I am an ill fit... I cant stand the way they treat their kids... all the pampering they do... and the way they tolerate their misbehavior... I loose my temper and yell at them... and later... feel really sorry for that and keep mum... and get picky about everything that is around me... worsening the air in their homes... Within 6 months... I've been in all 3 places... and ... I know I have made them feel disgusted about me... they would still let me be with them... but... I know.. I know.. they would not want me to ... I did miss something... How is that I bore all the mischief my kids did... and all the trouble that I went through fixing their lives back on the right track ... for various silly things they did... for all the serious mistakes they did... Why made me do all this to them... and why does it not get reciprocated to me ... and not even in small percentage... If Lakshmi was around... it would have been .... ( sigh )... sob.. sob... and it is really tough... really painful ( tears are rolling down his cheeks )... I am unable to take it anymore... I guess I had to see this day ... this way... I guess I am done... I cant take it anymore... ( He starts crying like a kid... with a feeble sound a grown up makes of pain )


( He looks at me.... but I am not sure... if he saw me... he removes his specks and keeps them on his clothes... wipes his tears... his eyes are red... with a tinge of hope ... if by anyway it could turn different ... or... is it .... a fistful of remorse... as if this is not what he wanted, how he wanted... ... ... He picks a meter length rope lying beside him... ties it to his right ankle... I see the other end tied to a half of a cubic feet rock... He picks the stone with both his hands... looks at me again... and then on the other side... looks behind him... looks above towards the sky closes his eyes... and slides... )


( I see him go down... into the river... releasing the stone... to pull him down slow... I close my eyes tight with the fear of watching everything... and then... praying God... for helping him ask the 'Why' he had never asked before ... for finally letting him be what he is... and what he had never dared to be... ... ... Something struck... and I quickly lifted my leg up from the flowing river... sat their for some more time shedding some tears... got up and started walking... in search of the highway ... amidst the silence of thoughts... )

-------------

Obnoxious,
Darshan

Truth... the way it is...

An excerpt from Shashi Tharoor's "riot"... a story about Truth...

Truth is elusive, subtle, many-sided... and the story goes like this -

A brash young warrior sought the hand of a beautiful princess. Her father, the king, thought if he was worthy. He asked the warrior to find Truth, to marry the princess. The warrior set out on the quest for Truth. He went to temples, monasteries, mountaintops where sages meditated and asked for it... and nowhere could he find Truth. Despairing one day and seeking shelter from a thunderstorm, he took refuge in a musty cave. There was an old crone there, with matted hair and warts on her face, the skin hanging loose from her bony limbs, her teeth yellow and rotting. But, as he spoke to her and asked questions, she answered, and he realized that he had come to the end of his journey. She was Truth. They spoke all night and when the storm cleared, the warrior told her he had fulfilled his quest, the search for Truth... and when he was about to leave he asked her ‘what shall I tell them at the palace about you’... the wizened old creature smiled - 'Tell them', she said, 'tell them that I am young and beautiful'

:-)

I was thinking, how many would have believed the warrior... if he had given the true description of Truth. Say, tomorrow if I encounter Truth I guess even I would give the same false description as given by him... because I would realize, why was it difficult for him, and I hope, anybody else tomorrow who encounter Truth will know... why it was for me...

Anything hidden, anything untrue has a purpose in itself... and may be... someday I could comprehend the circumstances in which they were... enacted...

I was smiling ear to ear at the end of the story... I liked it...

:-)

Elusive,
Darshan.

. . . G O D . . . . . .

:-)
Hmmmm...

Offlate, my past time has been browsing. Whatever paradise, whatever junkyard, are coming on my way, I am glancing, scanning, reading thru them. Most fascinating among them have been these Orkut profiles. They shed away so much of information about the way persons wants himself/herself "to be" or "NOT TO BE" seen... Columns such as 'about me', 'here for', 'religion', 'passions', are so educating and entertaining. Among them this 'religion' gets my special attention. They are the common 'Hindu', 'Muslim', 'Christian' to 'Atheist', 'Religious Humanism', 'Unitarian Universalist'... blah.. blah... blah...

These Atheist profiles throw out some sense of arrogance or a sense of carelessness in them... Either they are too demanding that it is this way... or they are too casual to convey they dont care... This doesnt seem to do anything with individual responsibility... but an attitude such as 'let me be ME'...

Having done full circle with this Theism to Atheism and back... God seems to have occupied the throne of my thoughts... again... And the end of it all... worst come to worst, I guess anybody can be an agnostic, but not an atheist...

I'll try to put those thoughts that made me complete the circle... and the reason that makes me take this opinion...


I had read it or heard it somewhere... that atoms are made of protons, neutrons and electrons... Now, the question that I came across... in a reading -> Has anybody seen an electron? I dont know... Whatever scientists claim to be an electron is just the effect or consequence of its existence, but not the electron itself. Are they sure of its shape? Are they sure of its size? Are they sure if its position? I dont know if there are exact answers... As far as my hunch goes, nobody is sure... what we could get is just a probability of these values...


During one of those High-Octane thought involving lunch breaks with 3 more brains, for some reason, I ended up counting 4 plates in front of me...
:-O
And I realized that I had counted '4'---'Plates'... All the while... in all these years... I had never realized that 4 does not exist... Neither does '3', Neither does '2'... or neither does '1234567890'... None of these numbers exists... And It took me some time to realize this shock... and a lot more time to breath out of it... I can never show a '7'. I can either show a design such as '7' and call it 'Seven' or All I can show is '7' boxes or '7' plates or '7' phones. I can never show a '7' or THE '7'

I am able to accept this 'number' that does not exist, does not have shape, does not have form, that does not give me any way of direct proof of its existence... Majority of the population has no problem accepting/believing that these numbers exist in usable form... and I bet even the self proclaimed Atheists also don't have any problem in perceiving these numbers in their thoughts and daily life... even though these numbers don't exist. How is this possible? How is that we could use something so frequently in daily lives, that does not exist, that cannot be proved to exist??? ... and still make sense out of it... just because it just makes makes things in life easy and accountable in some way...???!!!

Hmmmm... weird....
God... are u just like a number... It doesn't matter if I cant prove that you exist, but you do, because I call you so frequently in my day-to-day life and you make sense for so many things around me...!!!

:-)
Darshan.

Creepy... Imagination.... :-O

May be this is a continuation of "I am missing..."... but just that it has turned out a lot more creepier with my imagination... Read it along... with a hope of understanding... whatever it is...

Many have said it... written it... in various forms and rhymes. But to realize it without having anything to justify... is absolutely weird. It is about this feeling within... around me... as if I am supposed to do something. As if entire world is revolving around me... as if 'they' all are just watching me to do it... But the point is... I have no idea... if they are wanting me to pick the bait... or watching me to entangle the knot... ???!!!

Nobody around me... including myself are giving me any clue... Then, how am I supposed to know what am I supposed to do... I tried talking to people a lot, tried thinking a lot, tried making happy face a lot and all that lot many sort. Nothing happened. That hunch that something is going to happen is going stronger and stronger. Then I thought that may be I should be a lot silent, or may be I should watch a lot of TV programs... or even just cry out loud to drain that tear tank in my head.

Having been silent a lot, I lost touch... and spoke a lot of gibberish, which due to situation or my reputation or by sheer coincidence... also made a lot of sense... and made it bad to worse... Is it really happening for real or am I in a dream... Damn....
And then, I watched a lot of TV and movies, but even then that feeling came back and forth, during the scenes, during commercials, making me jump out of the seat and wander around, telling myself... do it - do it now... and 5 seconds later... I am back in the seat... waiting for the next pulse of 'do it - do it now'... to hit me on my head...
And then, I tried crying and was successful... (without ever getting to know why I cried)... and the feeling ... that me having supposed to have done something went away... may be for a few hours... but then... it came back again... with the same intensity... and insanity...

Here I am writing all this all along... with the hope of finding answers... to get away with that pin pricking feeling... and that urge to do something but not knowing what to do. May be ... I should cry periodically, to atleast keep that feeling away for sometime... but whats the use ... it is just a pacifier... and that feeling is deep down there... eating me inside out... burning me within... ripping me apart...

IF.... (sigh) Only if everything could happen just like that, without a purpose, without a reason... without a..... (sigh...) ... WHY ...

...................
......................................
.........................................................

Eitherways... if you find out as to what I am supposed to do... or want to collude with me against these/those conspirators ... let me know

PsychingOutInTheInsaneWorld@The.OnTheTimeAxis
- Darshan

Boring Truths...

Thank you ppl, for giving me the thoughts... to think and counter-think... which generated the ones below -

1. I am not an atheist, but may be an agnostic.

2. I could impart Knowledge but not Awareness

3. Majority of Population want Good over Truth

4. Think Loud and Get used...!

5. World is beautiful the way it is, until I see it through my standards

6. Life was always easy and it will always be, it is just that I should realize and let go those I can never get in my life. Tough part is, when should I stop trying...!

7. Marriage or Sainthood is not a decision, but a consequence of one

8. Self-imparted conditions have a very different story to tell (from Soul Intuitive, Orkut). BTW, I dont want to eat Chocolate or Ice-cream...!

9. Never argue with a Stupid or a Rogue. They will bring u down to their standards and beat u up with experience. BTW, as per my blog below, world consists of Stupids and Rogues, only.

10. Trust is that factor which influences my behavior such that my behavior is beneficial to me, or simply, TRUST = Perceived Truth. Now you know, why I don't tell everything to everybody...!

Thinkin'
Darshan.

The World consists of...

Some of those experiences, exposures and the very inevitable thoughts have made me to come to a conlusion... which I think I am still contemplating on...

Does the world consists of a combination of stupids (who are not very bright) and rogues(deceitful and unreliable scoundrels) only...???!!! I am not sure if there are any more types. May be there are, but English is yet to identify them... may be ... :D

There seems to be only two categories. Stupids - who can be pitied upon. Rogues who can be frowned upon. Each one equally capable and responsible for all the confusions and havocs on earth.

But all the while, may be, I have started noticing a third category - Stupid-Rogues, whom I would frown upon with pity (or vice-versa) and end up in a hearty laugh. I would probably want to be all the while around them and yet not have them anywhere around me...!

Just like the attempt to place the jig-saw puzzle of origin of universe with String theory, may be there is this Fourth category, who are neither stupid nor rogues (which I dont think I have ever come across or around). And may be , it will be very boring to be around them and would not make any difference if they are around me...

If I find any more categorizations... will come back...

Darshan,
The Rogue.

I, Consciousness and its variants...

There are some of those questions that get revisited within me again and again and get their definitions redefined as per on what i have turned out to be this moment -

What is I? What is consciousness?

All the while i thought I was hullucination (and definitely not delusion), where, what you see is never what you get... And then i thought may be I is just a feeling of being alive, feeling of existence. i had my troubles of describing this feeling, but for its perception in the form of chemical reactions and chemical compositions. Sometimes i think I may be a combination of both or it is neither of them... Somehow there seems to be some fun in keeping this uncertain...!
So be it...

With definition of I being clear...! , i will try defining consciousness... about which i seem to be more certain than the prior...

Consciousness looks like the feeling of I... It is more of a feeling of being there than the feeling of existing there... i feel the pressure of every ray of light on my eyes... i am completely aware of the itch on my nose behind those specks... i am blatantly aware of the breath i seem to be taking without any feeling of air particles gushing through my nose... and ... and ... and...

my uncertainity doesn't let me use I for i... still lot of thoughts pending...

As a prologue to why people feel sad...
As an epilogue to why people feel sad...

my consciously...
Darshan.

Would I be rude...

....
....
Would I be rude to get attention from somebody?
.
Would I be rude to get away from somebody?
.
Would I be rude to get what I want?
.
Would I be rude to give what I want?
.
Would I be rude to hurt somebody?
.
Would I be rude to hurt myself?
.
Would I be rude to prove my point?
.
Would I be rude to ... hide my wound?
.
Would I be rude to ... ?
....
....
....
....

I'm missing something...

Started off with a forward received 2 days ago... which had a question as to 'what do you want'. All I knew was this..., that I dont know.... A Friend gave me a way asking if I knew 'what I want' and 'what I need'.

And ..., now I know...

'I have all I need..., now..., what do I want'...!
I am still searching, within and around....
....


Recently been reading Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged... feeling every word of it, every ounce of Objectivism scattered around in the Novel. I see myself among those fighting for a purpose against those who think are aware of the purpose. But neither of them know what the purpose is or what they think they are aware of that purpose.

Many years of married life and a question like 'why did he/she agree to marry me' is devastating. More interestingly, would the answer now be the same as the answer then or the answer later?

Is that person that ONE thing I WANT the most in my life or a MEANS to that ONE thing I WANT the most in my life...

BTW, I dont think I NEED either of them, either...

Objectivating...
If thats what I could call it...
Darshan.

Second and Second to None...

Hmmmm...

Somehow it seems there is weird quantum of personal time in here. I being able to update this place on this part of earth is a fragile proof.. Ahem. Eitherways, have come along and settling down. Things are getting hotter - First the weather, week long in positives, second my work and which will obviously be followed by my head. Here I am on a Saturday evening, 7:35 PM, trying to relax after tiring stretch of work and rework.

Weather is Sunny tomorrow, ( and yeah, as it should be, -9 with wind chill of additional -10), so hope to look around some places.

Nothing much thought running through which is worth mentioning here... leaving for now to come back with life, I mean thoughts...

Maverick,
Darshan.

Halifax... N some more...

hMMM....


Quite an amount of time for re-visiting here. Seems like all the while, its all worthwhile waiting. Gone are those days of Sunrise of 7:45 AM and Sunset of 4:45 PM. Now it is 5:45 AM and 8:30 PM.

Played Soccer after a decade (nay, ppl dont understand futball, for sure, you will be asked - 'as in soccer'). It was on Thursday evening, 5:30 PM to 7 PM. Hurt my joint, had a nasty fall on the lawn to have bruises on my ankles and rashes on my knees. Yeah.. neither did I know that I could be hurt on grass. Well, I could feel the game for the next 3 days... all over my body :-P

How does it feel to jog for and hour at 7:30 PM ... Hmmm... I guess it feels exactly the way when I jog in Bangalore at 5:30 PM - minus dust - minus pollution...! (Sorry my beloved Bangalore, I cant hide the truth.. sob.. sob) Kinda good. Kinda cool, amidst the huge park stretching in length and breadth. Photos soon as how beautiful it is.

Holiday on Monday 23rd May for Victoria day. Planned to Halifax, Nova Scotia. Two, no, Three things to write, Atlantic Ocean from Canada, a total distance of 4165 kms in 3 days and eastern in latitude to loose an hour of time. First place to visit was Blomidon, along the edges of Bay of Fundy, last place for Glooscape to settle down. Liked it. Drive was good, plush green fields all around, solemn-lonely houses on the drive, villages with 10-20 houses and again, plush green fields. What we guys lacked the most is proper sun-light.

Sad that we did not time the high tides for the day...:-( .(Search "Bay of Fundy" for details) Reached Halifax and looked for a place to rest. After 2-3 options, we agreed upon a youth hostel (???) - Halifax backpackers. Roamed around the city, harbor and Citadel. Contrasting to our Montreal experience, city was very dull in the evening. Strolled some more and got in a Caribbean restaurant. Fortunately, ppl could find what they wanted, including me, a veggie meal. (This place is famous for red-prawns) Dunno if for the lack of proper food for more than a day (we've been driving all night!!!), food was yummm... too good. Came back by 9:30 PM and slept on bunk beds. 8 beds and 6 guys... leaving the difference for our luggages.

Plan was to get up at 1 AM and visit places. High hopes. All of us were ready by 6:30 AM. :-)
Came out and realized that rain and wind gods had plans to wash all the dirt away, including the people. City was misty and not a point to go to elevated place - Cape Breton. Changed plans and moved to Peggy's Cove, to meet Atlantic Ocean for the first time. Wind speeds of 80 kmph and heavy rain. After getting out of the car, we witnessed the tug-of-war between the winds and gravity. Gravity won, but only by small numbers...! look out for the pics for details.

Halifax Citadel was the next visit. Artilleries, cultures... and some interesting points as to why this Citadel was literally unconquerable in those days. Next we went to the Marine Museum. Halifax is one such place where the lost-lives of the Titanic aftermath were buried. Details about Titanic, other types of boats, ships, light houses. Moved to Mc Donalds for Lunch at 5 PM.

Started heading back and on the way - 5 Islands. 5 wide spread islands on the Bay of Fundy. Usual land when no tides, and proper island when tides. Surprisingly could not figure out what water movements could have made them. With around 100+ Photos in the photo session, started moving back and reached Moncton for Dinner at 'Subway', and Gas for Caravan. I took over the wheel, crossed Fredericton and towards Edmundston. Drivers swithced for safey and sleep and safe-sleep reasons and reached Quebec City. Freshened up, breakfast at 'Tim Hortons' and back to Mississauga at 3:45 PM, Monday.

Slept at 6 in the evening to see light again at 7:30, next day morning. Overall, a wonderful, cloudy trip. Some enlightenment as to why Airplanes are required on earth.


Miss ya all ppl..
Miss ya Bangalore.
Darshan.

Montreal-Quebec

Seldom are those days, when I wait for a day to arrive and for situations to turn out as I expect. It did happen, and it was the Friday, 25th of March 2005. Not because it was a Good Friday, but because it was a holiday and had resulted in a long stretched weekend. The sea was calm and the sails of my activities were temporarily low. Seemed like weekend will be very well utilized, and it has been...

BTW, this was my first proper holiday here, albeit Sundays...!

Guys here planned to visit Montreal and Quebec city in for these 3 days.

Friday, March 25th...
We planned to leave by 2:30 PM sharp on the Friday morning and we boarded our cars at splendid sharp 3:45 AM...!
No regrets... whatsoever...!

After finishing the formality of breakfast at a Highway exit, I took the wheel of impala ... vroomed thru at times at unimaginable speeds...!
I wasn't alone... I did have company of other souls with the same bearing... :-P

We reached Montreal at around 10:30 AM. Olympic Stadium was the first place. Montreal hosted the Olympic Games in 1976 and this stadium breathes there pretty empty, witnessing swimming classes, fitness classes, Music concerts and lot more... It was good, and the architecture impressive.

The mainstay for the roof of the Olympic Stadium is a tall Edifice and has cables to suspend the roof. Empty space at the top is used as an observatory providing the aerial view of the city.

Next was the Bio-Dome, where all seasons are simulated. It has Tropical, Autumn and Spring. Tropical was my best. I felt, as though I was in Kerala... Good one.

Finished this and got into Harveys for a burger as lunch. Some Guys were helping the team by booking a hotel. Finished lunch and reached hotel at around 4 PM. It was St Denis - Ontario intersection, Pakka Montreal Downtown.
Quebec was a French colony and French influence is blatantly visible in ppls language and some extent in their lifestyles.
Hotel was le joli décent (Pretty decent one), with wood finish all over...! I liked it.

Freshened up and went to visit Mont Royal Park. It seems that Jacques Cartier (discovered Canada??) came over here and called this place as Mount Royal. This over a period of time, gave the name Montreal to this city. This is an elevated place giving good view of the city. Strolled in the park for about an hour and went to Notre-Dame Basilica for some performance on the Good Friday evening. Long Q and gave up the thought of attending it.

Took a stroll on the streets and some guys decided to experience the subway (Metro) trains. I was game and joined them. 2 dollars and you can keep traveling in a particular circuit, to and fro, back and forth... forever. Sad, that I did not have my third eye (camera)
It reminded me of the movies like MARTIX, SPEED, END OF DAYS, Spider-man...
Where on earth had I dreamt that I'll one day be traveling in such a train...!

Came back, tired. Bumped into a Mexican Burrito shop, Got good Burritos, some boiled rice and Naturales (chips), it was filling. Got into the hotel to get some sleep at around 1 AM, (remember, we got up around 2 AM).

Saturday, March 26th...
Saturday morning got up at around 8 AM, finished the routines and left to Quebec City at around 9 AM. Reached there by 12 noon and went to Montmorency. This place is a waterfall. Water was partially flowing due to Spring. In December water was frozen... ahem... running water was frozen...
The water droplets from the splashing fall form a cone over the frozen surface of running water, and it is aptly called the "Sugar Loaf". There is a rope car and also a walk-way supported by kind-a scaffolds. We took the walkway. Every location is very well planned to give the best view of the falls and the city. Had some funny falls over the snow there and guys took hundreds of snaps.

Later...
Parked our Cars, had lunch at BK and entered Old Quebec, the so called French colony. The essence of the town seemed to be intact and we reached the Old Port to board the ferry. Went to the other side of St Laurent (??) River to reach Levis. This place was absolutely deserted. No ppl on the streets, we were the only guys making noise and hulla-gulla there. Came back at 7 PM to climb the ferry and back to old Quebec. Explored the city some more and left to Montreal at around 8:30 PM.

Reached the hotel at around 11 PM, and had a cat-nap waiting for others to join. Guys came in around 12 midnight.
Went to a pizza restaurant just below our hotel and hmmm... yummy... ! pizza ho-to aisa... thin crust pizza and delicious. This was the first time I had eaten a pizza without hurting my gums and not getting cramps in my jaws ...!

Went for a stroll on the streets, to reach the St Catherine street. To put is short, It is like Moulin Rouge of Montreal...! I will leave it at that ...!
Also visited the Cresent Street, the street for Discs...
Came back at around 3 AM and slept.

Sunday, 27th March...
Got up at 9:30 AM... tired and lethargic... By the time we finished our Breakfast of Muffin, coffee and orange juice it was 11:30 AM.
We all left to Notre-Damme Basilica.. This place rocks. Just splendid...! It is real big. It has an orchestra in 1st floor which had an organ with around 7000 pipes (I didn't count, I am referring to the brochure..!) I was fortunate enough to listen to them also... it just vibrates entire hall. Too much of details in the craftsmanship used there.. I stood in awe... and recalling, still in awe...
We were out by 2 PM

Later roamed around the city in general. Spring had sprouted in here, and did see some splendid racing bikes driven on the roads....
Bye bye to Montreal at 4 PM, back to Mississauga. It was one of the fascinating trips I had had till date...

Yaaaa...awn...!

au revoir
salut
Darshan.

Relief or disbelief...!

Long time since I visited here... Don't know how, things have never been so conspicuously two-fold around me... Contemplations are all over... in my mind... Sometime I start contemplating, if to contemplate or not... Eitherways... neither the world, nor the ppl change...

It has been quite a relief after a release... Had been visiting some places here and there... nearby. Here are some ...

On Friday night, we guys had been to Tornoto Downtown (Just like visiting our MG Road)... Started off at around 11 PM and came back at around 2 AM... We strolled in Yonge Street, with Tim Hortons Coffee Cartons, looking around at city in particular.. and usual chatting and discussion. BTW, this Yonge street is the longest street in the world. I don't know how true it is, but I've heard and read that it is almost 2000 kms long, yes, 2000 kms... and this runs straight through Toronto...!
God...! The back drop of the city during night is a wall-paper... And with that CN Tower amidst the other buildings, just splendid ...
I'm still in awe ... !!!

This is just a glimpse of the things happening around in the past 2 weeks... After the gentle relief from project activities.. Even to blame the weather here... Last week had some superb fun time doing some snow tubing... Going down a ramp of snow.. with a 80 deg fall .. superrr..

Then we went to Welland Canal.. where 2 lakes, Eerie and Ontario are connected.. despite the escarpment... Ppl should have seen a similar one for Suez Canal.. where they raise and lower-down the ships... to accommodate the change in the heights of the 2 water bodies... by filling in water in a canal... Good one... non-operational due to winter, but good one.

Then went over to Port Dalhousie... usual port, nothing great... BTW.. lake Ontario (and all the other 4, part of the 5 great lakes of N America) is so big, that we cannot see the other side of the shore... is looks like a sea..!
Here.. we walked over frozen lake.. for some distance.. Temperature out was around -10 Then we went back to the car.. turned the heater on and still damn bad.. Then we bumped into Tim Hortons.. picked some French Vanilla and English Coffee (Both are coffee flavors) and seemed to have got some temperature back...

BTW... Today I will be completing 3 months of my entry (12th Dec)... Had some first time driving experiences here... I am taking some driving classes here, for becoming familiar with the traffic etiquette here... I drove a Chevy Impala...


I'm currently listening to the song "Indian Rain" from "Colonial Cousins". Definitely a song that puts me atleast half a decade ... behind time...
May be deepening the BLUEs... :-P
But good...

Hmmm... Days and nights are improving here... When I had arrived, Sunrise was at 7:45 AM and Sunset at 4:45 PM. Now it is around 6:15 AM and 6:45 PM.. Temperature is expected to jump above the zero level this week... and officially, "Spring" is starting from April (Don't recall the date). So, things should pick some heat around...!

I'm happy to see the Sun almost every morning... Interesting.. how perspectives change... Well... thatz what this page all about... Perspectives... Some more soon... I dont know when.. You dont know when....

Steaming... ? || !

BTW... 'parallell lines' in the title means 'OR' operation...

My culinary skills are on the uphill ride ... Wow..! Never knew cooking could be so interesting and confusing. List of the entries in Darshan's cuisine are increasing every week. At this point of time, I can cook (and eat ...!) confidently 10 dishes [ over a period of 1 week... not in single shot ;-) ]. 'till last week, there was some or the other re-work to bring whatever was cooked, back to form... like... adding more water, cooking some more vegetables... But now... ha ha ... ho ha.. ha.. ha ... great! [ You can imagine me with a club on my shoulder, standing with one of my foot on a clobbered demon... :-\ ]

And for all the veterans reading this out... Hats off... for your perseverence... :-)

Some of enlightments over these weeks -

• Prestige (cooker) is most important tool for my experiments...
• Cooking items in microwave is lot easier and less work. This is derived from the fact that you dont see vessels' scorched when in microwave!
• Non-stick vessels are the best inventions ever made on earth.
• Amount of oil used for cooking is inversely proportional to the darkness of the scorch in the vessel. (Experts... do comment.)
• Amount of oil used for cooking is directly proportional to the amount of soap/effort used to clean the vessel. (Ditto... comment required)

I guess I can assure my mom... .... ...... Mom, if you are listening (reading ???!!!), I can ease you by a day or 2 in a week from kitchen... lemme know! And Dad.. no need to worry for what you might have to eat then...(he he ... )

**********

I and my RooPa go to shopping for grocery once a week. Hmmm... honestly, it is both boring and fun... Well... if you can call "Microsoft Works" as an oxymoron, what do you call "Shopping Grocery" as...??? Huffff... ...

Anyways... every grocery mall here resembles our METRO... sizes vary... smaller than Metro and bigger than Metro... But the logic behind their working is the same. Trolley, Basket, multiple rows, and multiple counters at the end to bill.

We check for vegetables - Aloo, Pyas are the staple ones. Over them is capsicum, cauli-flower, tomato, carrot, cabbage, spinach (Hmmm... sopsige ?? I forgot what it is called in kannada... let you know later) pack of cut mixed vegetables and pack of cut Bhendi. To get chillies, we need to go to a particular store called the Indian store (Again, I dont recall the actual full name). 4 ltrs of milk, 2 packs of curd and before forgetting, a pack of apples. (On an average of 2 apples per day, I have eaten a lot of apples here.... )

Rice of 10 pounds, Dal of 1 kg... once in a month.

This is basic food ... What about the junks and snacks ... OK.... 1 bottle of Coke - 2 ltr [ huh.... it is not beer ?? , not yet ;-) ], a large can of Orange Tropicana with lot of pulp, 2 bags of chips, 2 packets of coffee biscuits ... and somethings here and there.

With this we return home, with 2-4 really large bags...! Wah Wah! what a life...!

My heart is filled with honest appreciation for my beloved ones, .... for doing this from past 30+ years ....

So much for now... Thanks for the equations of the universe for whatever has happenned ...

Adios for now... some more soon...

As usual... lemme know your thoughts...

yours

Darshan.

...

And the way it is going on ...

Hmm...

Sometimes I never know if it is good to have a "straight forward monotonous and easy life" or a "very unpredictably interesting tough life". Currently I am having a "not-so-tough interesting monotonous life"!!

My day WAS starting off at 5 AM in the morning. Get up, have hot cup of coffee in front of the TV. Weather channel for about 5 minutes getting to know the forecast for the day. Interestingly, forecasts here work and I decide on what I wear to office based on that...

Now pretty much it is still the same, but I am getting up at 5:45 AM. Hot cup of coffee... TV... and Music channel. Keep Rice in Micro-wave and go to bath at 6:15. Come back... Do some abs... and rice is ready. Use the sambhar/curry/curd/pickle to prepare something for breakfast and for lunch. Corn-flakes/Bread are just good enough for 1 hr... Rice is the best, if I have to have lunch at 12:30 PM.
Hmmm... OK.... So, completely ready by 7:15 AM. I cannot drive here for first 3 months (junk rules... Some jerk makes a mistake and new rules come out on earth... Anyways...)
A colleague of mine lives in the same apartment (Family man). Gives me a call anytime between 7:15 and 7:25 ... and pretty punctual... so I need to make sure that I dont ask for more time, anytime.
We leave to office (approx) 20 minutes ride on the freeway,.. Aaraam 100 kmph ride on a non-snowy day. Reach office by 7:45 AM - 8:00 AM and day repeats itself at it was in Bangalore... till around 6:30 PM to 8 PM.

In the evening, look for somebody to go back ... Generally I find somebody or the other about to leave... Get a drop and reach the apartment anytime between (earliest)6:45 PM to (latest) 9 PM.

Current protocol is, if I am first to reach the apartment, I do the cooking and if my ROOPA (Short for Room Partner) reaches earlier, it is his turn. He does very good sambhar and Puliyogare. When I get boared, I just ask him to prepare one, and he does it for me... Good boy....

Go to Gym (whatever is the time) for 30-60 minutes (depending on the time I reach the apartment). Work out. come back and have dinner. Watch some serials, discovery programs, movies before sleeping. Depending on the interest, go to bed by 10 PM to 11:30 PM....

Again.. alarm rings at 5 AM in the morning, and repeats in the interval of 5 mins... until I get up at 5:45 AM .... and shut it off....

Some more about the weekend .... next...

Bon Voyage...

Finally, I have settled down and getting used to the (busy/hectic !!! ???) life here... And have been composing this mail from almost 4 days in bits and pieces

Today there was almost a foot of snow all over the place...

This is an update on the previous weekend activities in Toronto...

Saturday started off with a workout in Gym - for about 45 minutes. It is within the apartment and decent one. Hope to continue it as I am prone to back pain. I had to open my bank a/c and went to a Bank (where one person no prizes for guessing, South Asian !) received us. Surprisingly this bank gives us only 10 free transactions per month. Beyond this count costs us CAD 1 per transaction. (Citibank and ICICI are the best !).

After this been to eye checkup. Everybody in the Lab here need to wear protective eye glasses. Those are without prescription (no power). Hence intelligent guys like me need to get prescribed glasses with protective covering at either sides.

In the evening, we did lot of shopping. There is a place called Square One which is like Jayanagar shopping complex. You also have Wal-Mart here. Bindaas shopping. Too many things and Too less money. Got a Jacket for the winter here. It is two layered and inner layer can be removed, basically took it with the intention of reusing it in home town. If I had not taken two layered one, I just had to wear it only by sitting inside the freezer!

Sunday started off early. Need to go to skiing. Unfortunately, temperature is -16 deg C. But who can stop the bunch of enthusiastic guys. 5 of us left the apartment at around 8:30 AM to Moonstone. This place is more towards north and colder. Our car (it was a SUV, Grand Jeep Cherokey - A 4X4) had a thermometer inside. As and when we approached Moonstone, temperature started to fall to -25 deg C. I was warned and had thermal wear. We reached the place at around 11 PM and at least I could see 200 cars in that place. We took a discover program, that involves a small training class for skiing. Went to have breakfast - as usual for a pulichar like me - French fries was safe bet.

Collected our gear - Skiing boots, skis, and Poles. Training started at 1 PM. It was horribly cold. Training Started of smooth and after teaching us to stop and turn, we were taken to practice spot. I fell, fell and fell again. In the process, I sprained my knee. Forgetting it, went up in a rope way to the top of the hill and started skiing and falling. I did have company for the falls (we were 5) Full fun and full timepass. Attached are the snaps. How come only so many snaps. With the temperature running at -25 deg C, batteries would not work, temperature will stop any chemical reaction in the cells.

I went up the hill using the rope way for about 6 times. 5th and 6th were successful. I could ski without falling and came down safe. As we came in with all our gear, I realized that I have lost sensation of my face, hands and foot. Went to the wash room, used the heater there to get some sense back. My little finger is still numb!

Planning to go to CN tower (tallest in the world) this weekend (provided I am not in office).
Shall update you all with the snaps.


Chalo all,
Send me your thoughts,
Darshan.